5 // Battling, Time and Altitude
The last few weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about time. Before I left for the US, my daily schedule was largely centered around alarms, routine and discipline. As many of you know, to give yourself that time spent exercising, you need to make it happen amongst the juggling of your daily regimes. There are very few rides I regret going out for, even if the mornings were dark or the day had been long. I would generally always feel grateful I had persevered to get outside.
Now in the US, my routine has completely changed. I’m no longer confined to any sort of routine, which also has its challenges. Routine and familiarity create a grounding sense, which reduces our mental loading. I have more time, but I have very little routine and familiarity, which is collectively exciting and exhausting.
After Unbound, which was more of a carb-loading exercise than actual exercise, I was excited to utilise some of my excessive glycogen stores that weren’t put to their intended use. The following weekend I headed to Canada for a UCI Gravel World Series race north of Toronto. It was a bit of a FIFO mission. So, naturally, the airline left my bike at the stopover in NYC. Damnit. Arriving at the Barry’s close to midnight, bikeless, I tried to remain optimistic. I pre-rode the course the next day on a borrowed Mariposa (if you lose a bike in travel, it always helps to be staying with a family that literally manufactures their own bikes!). Sadly, the comfort of your own bike is hard to replace, and I had a moment in a muddy field where I completely and utterly lost it. I think the compounding disappointment of Unbound, the accumulated time away from home and probably some rouge hormones, I let out so much pent-up emotion. Put my glasses back on and carried on. My bike arrived the evening before the race. I raced, came third. Back to the US. Reset.
After the hustle of Toronto, there was a window of time to visit Leadville. I can’t tell you how energising it was to camp, pat a yak, see the stars, and be forced to slow down, despite breathing in a little less oxygen. Now that Summer has arrived in the Northern Hemisphere, it’s still very normal for a casual snowstorm to roll through. I can check off making sandwiches on the concrete floor of a school breezeway, whilst sideway snowflakes fall under the awning threatening the temperature of our freshly poured teas from the list.. Once the snowstorm cleared, the sun came out, and we were able to ride up Columbine, whose summit marks the turnaround point for the Leadville 100 (round 4 of the LTGP). We rode until the snow piled across the road, only a few meters shy of 3600m above the sea, and took a moment to stop and appreciate the snow-capped mountains around the valley. These little memories are what I’ll cherish.
The last week or so in Colorado have been the most contrasting yet. I accidentally saw one of the best sunsets of my life, thanks to Avery and his determination to show me some of Boulder’s best. I’ve been on some epic ‘Lachy’ style rides. I’ve been spoilt by Allen and his love for hospitality, sharing meals with new friends almost nightly. I finally saw a bear!! And I infiltrated a highly-profiled USA Cycling fundraising event in Aspen.
Accidentally one of the best sunsets of my life
The contrast of the highs comes with my lowest feelings yet. Nearing three months on the road and a lot of moving around, the homesickness is well and truly showing. The process of this adventure started a long time before stepping off the plane and well before I had received my acceptance into the series. The process started during the early stages of the pandemic. I had finished my master's degree, had a job that I was proud of, I was in a long-term relationship, and I couldn’t feel more stagnant. I feared that my life would begin to tick through the constructs of society, and I all I wanted was to contribute, connect and experience more. In April 2022, I found the courage to end my fracturing long-term relationship and journaled that I would challenge myself to live outside the comforts of my familiarity.. A year later, I was on the plane to San Francisco. Amidst the heightened sense of adventure, exploration and gratitude, the instability has me longing for familiarity. I know this is a part of the journey, and I’m trying to lean into these feelings and dissect how they can make me grow and become stronger. Behind my mountain views, sunsets and time on two wheels, I’m doing a hell of a lot of growing. I’m hurting, happy, scared, strong, and just figuring out what this crazy world means.
This weekend is the next round of the series this weekend in Crusher, Beaver. I’m trying to find the feelings I felt in the early stages of this trip. The calmness, fun and privilege I felt to choose discomfort. I’ve put in some big days on the bike leading into this event, and I’m hoping my headspace and heart can clear in time.. I’ve introduced the term ‘battler’ to a few of my newly found American friends. Lately, I’ve been battling. Hard. And I’m trying SO HARD to turn it around. I can’t thank the friends & family that have answered my tear-filled phone calls with so much patience, support & kindness. I love, and miss you all so much.
UPCOMING RACES:
8th July: Crusher in the Tusher, Round #3 of the Life Time Grand Prix, Beaver, Utah
12th August: Leadville 100, Round #4 of the Life Time Grand Prix, Leadville, Colorado
20th August: SBT GVL, Steamboat, Colorado
PREVIOUS NEWSLETTERS:
JEEP UPDATE:
I’ve just started my road trip towards Beaver, Utah. Jerry has been freshly topped up with oil and is still redeeming himself. However, the novelty of having no air-conditioning has well and truly worn off, particularly as I’m entering the desert again. I need ice stockings just to get through the drive.
After I race Crusher, road trip #2 begins. I’ll be heading North-East to meet Ally, another Canberran about to start the PCT from the Northern Terminus. We’ll spend a few days north of Seattle catching up before dropping her off to start the hike. After dropping Ally off, I’ll find my older brother, Mitchell, who has just arrived in Canada to rock climb and explore the Canadian Rockies. He’ll be turning 30 during this period, so I’m feeling pretty emotional about spending some time in the mountains with him, particularly given my current feelings of homesickness. We’ve lived very separate lives since becoming adults, chasing our passions, and finding time to share together feels really special. After Canada, I’ll make my way back to the Boulder bubble via Montana and Yellowstone. My heart feels excited about this journey; let’s just hope Jerry’s doesn’t arrest.
